Home and adjusting

I started to blog on Sunday night.  But I was so tired, I couldn't finish.  This is what I wrote...

We are home.  While I am very happy to be here - I am lacking the energy and excitement that returning home from a hospital stay usually brings.  I'm finding myself sad that there is a "usual" feeling and that hospital stays are routine.  The weird thing is that even though we have done it countless times - I think this one is far from routine.

It is going to take us a few days to figure out what supplies and equipment we need and where it should go.  The matter of going potty is proving to be very difficult.  She was potty trained and seems to have no interest in going in her diaper.  But, putting her on the potty itself is out of the question.  So that leaves a bedpan.  But it is impossible to get her in an upright position.  And she's HEAVY.  And it takes two people to do most things with her.  I can't pick her up AND put a bedpan underneath her.

The positive is that we can get her upstairs and that she can sleep in her own bed.  And it is only a matter of time before she is not in pain from the surgery and gets more comfortable.

Right now, the negatives far outweigh the positives.  Usually I am pretty good about focusing on the positive.  And while I still have them in my head (she will be less crooked in two months' time and we're HOME) I cannot ignore the negatives.

Harlie is hurting and there's not a lot I can do for her.  She cries and I don't know why.  She is dehydrated, has no appetite, uncomfortable, in pain and confused.  And as her mother, I would do anything to be able to take some of that from her.  To bring her comfort, relieve her pain, something.  Anything.

I think about all she's been forced to endure and it makes me sick.  And tired.  And worried about what she's feeling and how she will cope with things as she gets older.

This past week was really, really hard.  I felt that she/we were virtually abandoned by the orthopedic docs at the hospital.  I felt stress where I don't normally feel it.  And thinking about how we're going to live for the next two months is overwhelming.

Blah, blah, blah... so that's what I started.  I do have a lot more to write about.  But, until I get my thoughts straight, I'll start with some pics of our last day in the hospital...

No, I will not smile or look at you.  I am mad at you. Go away please.

Getting final x-rays before discharge.
That's Orlando.  He's done many x-rays for us.  

For a little girl that's on her way home, she sure looks miserable.
She was mad we didn't take off the cast first.

The lobby in Children's National Medical Center.

On Monday she asked to play.

And even signed "I love you" to me!

Despite how negative this post started, she is starting to be more and more herself each day.  She's even laughed at some movies (Tangled, which is TOO cute, by the way, and Tom & Jerry) and eaten some food by mouth (I can't wait to write about that!).  

I have so much more to write, but I will have to do it tomorrow.

Thanks!
~Christy