Saturday, January 28, 2012

Murphy's Worries

Back in the first week of January, I was going through Murphy's school folder and found this:

Click on the photo to enlarge
Wow.  I had no idea.

I mean, I know he's certainly worried about her in the past.  But I had no idea he still worries about her!

In fact, my very first thought after looking at it was, "What's wrong with you, kid?  She hasn't been in the hospital since, like, May!"

There are rare moments when I have the ability to be able to step outside of myself and see our life from a different perspective.  And that was one of them.  Having that thought - that he shouldn't have worries about her since she's gone a whopping eight months since her last major, traumatic hospitalization - is completely crazy!!!  We hear moms and dads talk of a child's one hospitalization many years ago.  They still remember it and are affected by it.  Of course he worries.  Heck, I worry about her life and potential death every single day.

It's time we face the fact that he's seven years old.  And he hears things.  He thinks things.  And he certainly feels things.

After studying his drawing for a bit, I said, "Murphy, you notice that I take care of her?"  And he said, "Well, yeah.  You clean her equipment, and make sure it's all working properly, you suction her and all that stuff."  Exact words.  I was really surprised that he notices all that.  And that he said the words "working properly."

He must know we are traveling for a big appointment soon (just a month away now).  Yet, we haven't talked to him about it at all.

Things are going to have to change around here.  We're going to have to be more open with him.  And I signed him up for a sibling support group.

It's something that me and some other moms from my special needs mom's group (we meet once a month for dinner) have been wanting to do for a while.  Luckily, we know a mom who is a clinical social worker and not only does she have experience in this kind of thing professionally, she also is a sibling of a special needs brother.  So, she has a lot to bring to the table.  And she has a great desire to do this for our kids.  I am so, so thankful for people like her!

So, after some time of talking about it, she ran with it and they had their first meeting this past Tuesday night. There are five kids, in grades first to fourth, who all have a sister with special needs.   They are going to meet once a week for six weeks.

I am so excited about this!  I really think it will be great for them to be able talk about their feelings, both good and bad.  And just to know that they are not alone.  I would give anything to know what goes on in the meetings and what he says.  From what I understand, the first meeting was more of a get-to-know-each-other kind of meeting.  I'm anxious to see what he wants to tell me/talk to me about after a few more meetings.

And the bonus is that us moms can go across the street to a mexican restaurant to have dinner and a drink while they are meeting.  No sense in going home just to turn around and come right back again, right? So, it's a win-win for us all!  

That's it for today, my friends.


Tanya said...

The group sounds great - for the kids and the moms.

Donna said...

Total win/win! :) Looking forward to tomorrow for that very reason - so don't forget, ha ha!! :P

Ann said...

Eric loves going to Sibshop. It's been good for him to realize he's not the only with a "special" sibling. I'm be anxious to hear how Murphy likes it.


Susan said...

That's a great idea, and I love that the moms will get together at the same time. :)