Sunday, June 10, 2012


Some good news!  Harlie has been getting better every day and for the first time in MONTHS I only had to wipe her nose ONCE today!  Just ONCE!!  Halle-freaking-lujah!!!

I cannot express to you how freaking elated I am that she is on the mend.  Seriously.  The stress I have been carrying thinking about "what if she doesn't get well in time" or "what if she's allergic to Rooney"  has been KILLING me.  Maybe I haven't expressed it truthfully.  Maybe I've been masking it a bit trying to be strong and brave.  But, deep down inside I've been so worried!!!  SO WORRIED!!!!!


I've been so stressed that I've been taking it out on my own poor Mother!  As if it is her fault, right?  Well, I saw the light today.  Thanks Lindsay and Todd!

Harlie was invited to a birthday party for Lindsay and Todd's daughter, Peyton, at River City Youth Fitness, which is where Harlie had gymnastics for six months (before her spinal fusion in March 2011).  I really struggled with the decision on whether to let her go or not.

She has her appointment with her orthopedic surgeon on Wednesday.  She hasn't given her the clearance for gymnastics yet.  We could possibly get that then.  But, she could also take x-rays and decide that she's not ready for gymnastics.  So, do I let her go?  Or not?

I knew that she would LOVE it.  But what if I had to tell her she wasn't allowed to do something even though everyone else in class was doing it?  And what if I forced her to remember something that she loved - and then reminded her that she wasn't allowed to do it?  Hello, torture!

I struggled.

But, then I had to err on the side of her loving it.  She gets to do so little that she truly loves and enjoys.  It's so unfair.  So, I decided I had to let her go.  And deal with the consequences later.

And I am SO glad that I did!!!

She loved it!  Wow! It was SO obvious!  And she didn't miss a beat.  It's been more than year since she's been there and she remembered everything.

There was a spring to her step.  There was a smile that I haven't seen in months.  And my heart just couldn't take it!!  I must sign her up for gymnastics.  Granted, it would be in the 3-4 year class, but who cares!?!  She's out there and loving it!  Isn't that just refreshing?  She doesn't care that she's not the same age.  She's just happy to be there!

The coaches were awesome.  They were so glad to see her again.  And they told me that they have been thinking about her and wondering how she's been.

We left and my spirits were lifted.  Truly.  I don't know that I realized how down I've been about her health.  I've been in a really crappy mood for a long time.  Seriously.  I've noticed before that my mood mirrors Harlie's and it felt so nice to be happy again!!!  Wow.  It has been too long!

On my way home I called my Mom.  I've been especially shitty to her.  It's really been awful.  And I'm not proud of that.  But, it's true.  I wanted to tell her how awesome of an experience it was.  I saw other parents' facial expressions.  People I didn't know.  And I could see their expressions.  They could see Harlie's happiness, too and they were moved by it!  Well, I can't confirm that.  But that's what it looked like.  And usually I avoid eye contact with other parents I don't know.  I don't want to see the look on their faces.  The look that says they feel sorry for me and they are so thankful their kids are healthy and not like that.

Anyway, I wanted to tell my Mom that I was sorry for being so crappy to her the past several weeks/months.  I didn't mean it.  It's just so hard to live like everything is okay when it's not.  It's really not okay when your kid is sick and you're anticipating a major, crazy, stressful surgery and having to travel for it, no less.  And you know she's going to miss the first day of school.  And as a Mom, I'm going to miss the first day of school for Murphy.  It's just so NOT right!!!

My Mom didn't answer.  But I knew she'd call me back.

Tom and I went to an adult party at the pool where we belong.  And my Mom called me.  I got to tell her how sorry I was.  Luckily, being the great Mom she is, she forgave me.  Yes, she noticed that I was not nice.  But she let it go.  Thanks, Mom!

And I am happy.  To think of how happy Harlie was today makes my heart swell.  Wow.  She's been through way too much.  And she's still so happy.  I wish I could have video'd her today so you could see what I'm talking about.

Okay, that's it for tonight.  More later!
~Christy xo


Ann said...

Well, dang ... this post made me cry! So happy to hear that today made Harlie happy and, in turn, made her mom happy. There is no question that our moods are a reflection of our children. The bond between a parent and a medically fragile child is inexplicably different than the bond between a parent and their typical child. I tell people that Jack and I are one in the same. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know ... and feel.

Thanks so much for sharing this happy post. I wish you had video to share too.


Christy said...

Thanks, Ann! xo

Susan said...

Christy I'm sorry you've been secretly worried. Our special mom's lives are filled with worry aren't they? Wish it weren't so.

I'm glad that it looks like Harlie isn't allergic. That would be terrible and the last thing you need! I'm SO glad she's feeling a bit better and has been able to have some fun! Much Love.

Lindsay said...

So So So glad that both of you had a ball. I absolutely believe her very pure happiness was obvious to everyone. It was kind of one of those contagious smiles where you see someone so giddy that you can't help but smile yourself. The other thing I noticed was how she picked up right where she left off at gymnastics in terms of the "routine", the rules, the exercises. I hope you can find a class that ends up working with the schedule. It meant so much to us to have you there for Peyton - thanks again!!!