Nursing

In the last five years, I've hardly talked about nursing.  We've been lucky enough to have found good, caring nurses that became part of our family.  It's probably unheard of to have only had ONE bad nurse.  She was our first.

As you may know, Brandy (our full-time day nurse) had a baby three weeks ago and is on maternity leave.

I was very happy to have found a fill-in nurse for her hours.  And I like her.  She seems like a hard worker.  She is a single mom of two and she is going to school at night to get her BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing).  Which, I think is pretty impressive.  She's been very reliable and always sends me a text when she's going to be late.

But then, the last week of school before winter break, her car broke down.  Both of us had to do some rearranging to make that week work.  Fine.  No problem.  Winter break started, and I get a text that her mechanic is coming to look at her car, so she can't come in.  After a few texts back and forth, she determines she can't come in on Tuesday, either.  Wednesday was Jennifer's day to have Harlie. Then Thursday, she couldn't come in until 12 and left at 5.  She was going to do the same thing on Friday.  So, I made lunch plans with a friend (our Christmas thing).  And then the nurse didn't show up!

Now I know this happens in the home health care world.  But it's never happened here.  And I do feel lucky.  Heck - FIVE years into this life - I should count my blessings.  Now, don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of changing plans, switching things around and accommodations (on all our parts) but never has someone just not shown up.

I get that it's Christmas and everyone is busy.  And if she wanted the whole week off - I would have given it to her.  But then I would have been able to make other arrangements for help so I could get something done myself.

So, out of her normal 40-hour week, she worked 5 whole hours.  Wow.

We did end up communicating (via text, of course).  She said she was planning on coming, but her boyfriend had the only car and hadn't gotten back yet.

What kills me is that she had to know by 11:30am that she wasn't going to make it to my house by noon.  So, why no phone call?  Or text?

And why didn't she have him just drop her off here, then go run his errands?  Heck, I would have gone and gotten her!

She's a smart girl.  She could have come to work if she wanted to.  The fact is that she didn't want to.  And that kills me.

I'm trying so hard not to take it personally.  But I don't know if that's possible.  Her job is my daughter. Does it get more personal than that?

Having nurses in your home - your life - isn't a party.  And while we've been blessed to have such great ones - I would much prefer a life where the role of nursing isn't a necessity.

It's a weird relationship.  Am I an employer?  Or is the nursing agency the employer?  But, they talk to me about their hours.  And they show up at my house to work with my daughter.  And they ask me for days off.  But, they aren't really asking.  They pretty much call the shots and tell me when they can/cannot work.  When they can get here, when they must leave.  Of course, that doesn't stop me from begging.  And they have changed their plans for me and our needs, too.  So, that has gone both ways.  But there is way more demand than supply when it comes to nurses - so they got me.  I'm the one who needs them.  And if they don't like it here - they can go to another patient's house tomorrow.

The other day (when she came in at noon after being off for 6 days) she told me she was tired and needed a nap.  Really?  Is that something that you would tell your boss?  Especially when you're taking care of a child????  And a child with medical needs to boot?!?!?!?

For years we had another adult in our home while we were sleeping.  And for years I have done everything in my power to make them feel comfortable.  To make them want to return to work another day.  I have fed them, given them gifts and if we were rich, they would be, too.  And even if our life didn't require nursing on a given day, but our nurse needed the hours - I'd make accommodations so she could have her hours.  Our nurses getting what they need is a top priority for me.

So yesterday... I was MAD.  And hurt.  I've been understanding.  I've been respectful.  I've been accommodating.  And you just don't show up?  Pretty much the entire week before Christmas?  WTH? How can I not take that personally?

And my lunch was with Heather.  Who had to make arrangements for her kids to be able to meet me.  Plus, I had to find someone to watch the boys.   And I wanted to go.  We do this every year and I was really looking forward to it.  And for the first time in a while I wanted to burst into tears.  I just felt so trapped.

Tom is off most of next week.  And she's going to want some hours.  I'm guessing she's going to need them after a 5-hour work week.  But, I think I want us to be a regular family for a little while.  Doesn't that sound nice?  An entire week without day nursing?  Is it possible?  Of course it is!  Especially since Tom will be home more.  And since it's the week AFTER Christmas, I don't have any errands to run.  Ahhhh....

Now, before this week - I would have changed our plans and made it so our nurse could get her hours. It's a full-time job - and I believe we both have an obligation to each other to respect that.  But, I want to be a normal family for a little bit.  So, forget it.  I'm putting what I want first.

Now I just hope that doesn't bite me in the butt later.  Because if she gets mad at me, she could say she doesn't want to come back at all.  And when school starts back on the 2nd, I'm going to need her.

Which pretty much illustrates my point about nursing.  To be a "normal" family and spend family time together - I'm afraid that I'm going to suffer consequences later.  How abnormal is that???  This loosely reminds me of Stockholm Syndrome.  I think that if and when our life ever becomes more "normal" I might have some lingering emotional issues I'll have to deal with.

Well, it's Christmas Eve and this wasn't a good post at all.  I do have more in the works... As soon as I get another break.  Every time I blog, either my kids are being neglected or I am forfeiting sleep.  Right now, Harlie needs to eat.  So, I must go.

And - just so I'm clear - I do love our nurses - the people.  I just don't like needing them so much.  See... these captors are so nice, I just wish I didn't need them for food, water and basic survival.  That's why it reminds me of Stockholm Syndrome.

More later!  Thanks for reading!
~Christy